Talk Without Speaking

I’m writing this now because I sure as hell won’t have the energy to write it later. Today’s is a foolish plan but I hope to sneak through unscathed…I am already soooo tired but hope to tack an hour and a half of yoga and an hour and a half of volleyball in.

Anyway, the point here was to talk about the 30 day challenge….one that started off as 30 days of yoga but I’m going to try to morph into 30 days of yoga, blogging and pictures. We’ll see how it goes.

I’m going to start with the beginnings of a post that I wrote a couple of weeks ago, at the very beginning of the trip that I just got back from.

I’m flying high at 30,000 feet on my way to a training tour of the eastern MEC stores. Montreal, Quebec City, Ottawa and Halifax are on the schedule over the next 10 days. The Mondo MEC intranet project has been unleashed and I’m helping to train staff on how to use it. Amazingly, the timing of all this works out so that not only am I able to visit home but I’m also there for next Tuesday, the four year anniversary of Dad dying.
It’s close again - it has become so in the last couple of weeks and the roll-out stress of work has tied in, I guess, to reduce my emotional energy just a little bit lower.
I guess we all grieve differently. I stand here now and tell you the stories of my life, of our life. The happy memories will make me smile in remembrance and I wish I could hold onto that; I’d love to share more with you. But ,inevitably, the stalking heartbreak follows along behind and rolls in and over me once again.
My heart broke. I stood there with my hand on his shoulder and I felt it scream in agony, I felt it break. It’s still broken. I guess, maybe, it always will be? I simply have no better idea on how to heal myself, if I could, I would.
I suppose I could be accused of feeding this crazy animal. I don’t know what to tell you. As frustrating as this has been, as painful as it has been, and is, I’m not ready to say goodbye to it, I guess. Do I have some accountability here?

So, it’s time to go. Yoga starts at 4 and I’m flying downtown on the new Canada Line….wish me luck!