Talk Without Speaking

Well, ok, I’m feeling in a disturbed mood tonight. I won’t apologize for what I say but I’ll apologize if it makes you feel crappy.

Walking into the office today the monitors look bleaker than normal, my enthusiasm wanes slightly. Not totally but slightly and I am not one to feel nonplussed about stepping into the office. Normally I like my job.

Of course, when I sit down, there are several email responses to the fact that, while working night shift last night, I have, again, shut off every monitor that I could find that was left on. Furthermore, I have turned off all of the lights in the office as well. And, to be fair, I’m sure it causes momentary confusion in the morning as they have to turn the lights back on. I mean, hey, that’s tough work! But, to be honest, I’m getting a little tired of the ‘woe is me’, I have to turn my monitor back on lines. Which isn’t remotely to say that I’m going to stop turning them off only that I can feel myself starting to stretch a bit (not snap, but stretch). In fact, I’ve felt like this for a while now and I recognize the feeling; I’m burned out on the city, I’m burned out on the importance that we place on all that’s completely and totally unimportant.

Backing up to leaving the house this morning Cat is watching some bizarre morning version of the Oprah show and she is handing out free samples of all kinds of stuff to her audience as she prostitutes her name on some merchandise (and sure, I wanted to be there as fanatically as all the people who *were* there when they handed out the 15GB iPods - which brings me to the point that I’m not above all of this - while able to identify the problem I can also see that I am a part of it). The consumerism makes me feel ill.

My spirits are lifted on the bus home as I see couples together; I know it’s not all bad. Man, far, far, from it. Which is also kinda the point here in that I have a very hard time thinking that any of us have it in any way rough. I mean, hey, if you’re reading this you’re the elite on this planet, that’s for sure. You had 3 meals today, you’ll sleep in a warm bed, tomorrow you’ll put on whatever clothes that you like and have to decide on the myriad of choices for your meals.

Further lifting me up is getting a call from Doctor’s Without Borders when I get home. I bumped into one of their volunteers on the weekend and I asked if she would have their people call me. We’ve been trying to find another charity to support and I think DWB is a great place to start. $40/month later I’m feeling a bit more sane, a bit more able to cope with people’s inability to see what they have, to turn off their damn monitors while 14,000 people/day get infected with AIDS and 3,000 people die/day because they don’t have fresh water.