Talk Without Speaking

What a day. What. a. day.

Today started off with a real sense of accomplishment as I finally called the RCMP ? the call that really should have been made about two months ago. This door has been surprisingly strong and it?s been easy to pass on opening. When I stand atop a cliff, a jump, a diving board I have this gift that allows me to turn off that part of your brain that prevents you from taking those risks for just that needed moment to propel yourself forward into the waiting abyss. This morning felt just like that; action before the dangerous thought that has been stopping me all this time.

So, the dice are cast and it feels good. After all was said and done it was just a message left on an answering machine. I can go further if I need to. The door, I feel, will stay open.

Now this kinda sucks because this really is my weblog and I should be able to write whatever the hell I feel like in here, shouldn?t I? And the sad truth is, today, I really can?t. Well, I suppose that I could but the consequences might be being sued or fired (or both). I can?t even really say what happened today because this is a public forum and I?ve signed a non-disclosure agreement.

I will say that what happened today, I feel, reflects badly on all of us on the team. When you hike you hike with the slowest member of the team. Of the *team*. You don?t leave them behind and you don?t abandon them. And if you just happen to be stronger than they are, well, that just means you?re that much more accountable for them.

And what pisses me off the most, what is the most upsetting of all is how easy it is to forget what has just happened. Oh God, how easy is it to swim with the stream and don?t rock the damn boat for God?s sake. I swear there were some people there today who I expected more of and some of them barely batted a fucking eyelash before turning away; it?s not so hard to imagine the life of a pariah, is it?

So, I?m stepping on the line, my toes are on it or maybe over. I have a feeling that *the* week, *this* week, is not over yet.

I?m hanging in there.